I never used to cry in front of the TV.
It was a source of pride for me—a sign that I’d grown up! The idea of someone crying while watching their favorite shows and movies felt weak and pathetic. But it turns out everyone cries sometimes. Even celebrities like Selena Gomez who seem totally together. Let’s learn how to not be depressed.
Nowadays I find myself bawling over strangers’ deaths on Facebook or when my cat is sick. It feels like an invitation to let go with whatever emotion comes next: sadness, anger, fear… I’ve even shed tears at funerals. And yet somehow this doesn’t make me feel less “together.” In fact, it makes me feel more human because now I’m able to connect with others through our shared experience.
Depression isn’t always about being happy all the time, nor does having moments where we’re sad mean depression itself. There are many things that could cause us to feel low emotionally, including anxiety, grief, stress, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, substance abuse, bipolar disorder, etc. That said, there are also other factors that contribute to depression such as genetics, environment (e.g., childhood trauma), and personality.
While no one chooses these dark emotions, most of us have had experiences that trigger them from time to time. If they become chronic, however, then we might want to consider whether those memories are still serving us well. Or if certain patterns or behaviors are negatively impacting our lives.
Here are three ways to help yourself get back into the groove without succumbing to despair:
1) Ask yourself what’s really important to you.
If you’re struggling to figure out why you’re unhappy, try taking inventory of everything you do each day. Maybe you enjoy working long hours? Are you spending too much money? Do you carelessly waste food? Does living somewhere else sound good right now? You may realize that all of these habits create feelings of emptiness rather than satisfaction. They are choices and therefore should be evaluated by you instead of blindly accepting them as normal. We often take cues from popular culture and media regarding what constitutes happiness, but ultimately, what matters to you will vary depending on your life goals. So ask yourself what truly fulfills you. Is it meaningful work? A healthy body? Spending quality time with loved ones?
2) Be kinder to yourself during difficult times.
When faced with adversity, it can be tempting to beat ourselves up for falling short of perfection. However, focusing on negative thoughts alone won’t bring you closer to finding solutions. Instead, give yourself permission to err and learn from mistakes. When something goes wrong, don’t immediately assume you did anything wrong and begin looking for reasons. Remember that it takes two parties to form an intimate relationship — you and you.
3) Don’t compare yourself to others.
There’s nothing inherently better or worse about any person, regardless of their circumstances. Some people strive hard to succeed in every area of their lives; others prefer to live below their means. Everyone has different values, priorities, beliefs, and personalities. Therefore, comparing yourself to others rarely leads to positive results. Instead of worrying about anyone else’s successes or failures, focus on getting comfortable with your own unique journey. This gives you room to grow and evolve as you need to without becoming overwhelmed by outside expectations.
4) Take action toward improving your situation.
Sometimes it helps to take small steps to turn around a bad situation. For example, if you recently lost your job, volunteering to write proposals for new clients would show initiative and confidence. Similarly, creating a plan for learning valuable skills for future employment is another way to demonstrate self-efficacy. Taking action toward reaching personal goals is essential to regaining control of your life. By doing so, you’ll regain momentum and belief in yourself.
5) Reach out for support.
Feeling isolated can lead to further distress. Feeling unsupported by friends, family members, peers, colleagues, or professionals increases vulnerability to mental health issues. Having a strong social network reduces loneliness and protects against emotional upheaval. Consider talking to someone close to you about your problems, whether it’s a friend, therapist, coach, religious leader, or counselor. Support groups provide community resources to address common challenges. These communities can offer hope and encouragement, which promotes resilience.
6) Practice mindfulness meditation daily.
Meditation is proven effective in helping calm the mind and reduce pain caused by stressful events. Researchers believe its effects come from increasing levels of oxytocin, a hormone known for promoting bonding, trust, and empathy between humans. Regular practice of meditation can increase tolerance to suffering and promote compassion for oneself and others.
7) Exercise regularly.
Exercising releases endorphins that produce pleasure sensations. Endorphins also play a role in regulating moods and emotions. Although exercise brings physical benefits like reducing risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer, osteoporosis, arthritis, high blood pressure, stroke, dementia, and Alzheimer’s disease, exercising also improves brain function and slows cognitive decline. Research suggests moderate intensity exercises performed consistently throughout the week are best for maintaining overall fitness and preventing weight gain. Start slow and gradually build endurance, strength, flexibility, coordination, agility, balance, stamina, or mobility. Find activities that appeal to you based on your interests, abilities, and lifestyle. Examples include walking, hiking, dancing, swimming, cycling, yoga, pilates, Tai Chi, running, jump rope, hopscotch, rollerblading, skateboarding, playing catch or Frisbee, gardening, yard maintenance, lawn mowing, cleaning, laundry, DIY projects, cooking, sewing, painting, drawing, writing, music listening, reading, or photography.
8) Eat healthier foods.
Eating nutritious meals rich in fiber, protein, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, phytonutrients, and unsaturated fats provides energy to sustain activity, maintain muscle mass, and keep metabolism functioning optimally. Eating whole foods ensures you eat enough calories to meet basic needs but not excess amounts that result in overeating. Healthy dieting involves balancing macronutrient intake, micronutrient requirements, limiting calorie consumption, and providing adequate hydration. Avoid processed foods, sugary snacks, refined grains, fried foods, sodium, alcohol, caffeine, and saturated fat. Choose fruits and vegetables, lean meats, seafood, legumes, nuts, poultry, eggs, dairy products, and unrefined sugar substitutes.
9) Get plenty of sleep. – how to not be depressed
Sleep deprivation disrupts hormonal regulation, which impacts appetite, libido, memory formation, and mood. Sleep deficiency causes increased cortisol production, leading to elevated insulin resistance and inflammation, both of which adversely affect glucose homeostasis and lipid profile. Lack of sufficient sleep lowers ghrelin, a hunger-inducing hormone, thereby decreasing motivation to move. Excessively deep sleep deprives the body of growth hormones, resulting in decreased immunity and higher susceptibility to infections. Poorly slept individuals also tend to wake more frequently throughout the night. While sleeping longer periods consecutively may improve alertness, consistent insufficient sleep is associated with poor daytime performance. Try going to bed earlier to compensate for late nights spent scrolling Instagram or binge-watching Netflix. Aim to spend eight hours asleep per night, although adults aged 13–64 years old require nine to 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.
10) Make time for fun. – how to not be depressed
Schedule breaks to rejuvenate and recharge your batteries. Fun activities release dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in reward response. Dopamine triggers pleasurable feelings while simultaneously motivating us to repeat desired behavior. Schedule regular dates with significant others or friends to bond, laugh, and share exciting news. Engaging in hobbies with little to zero monetary value allows you to switch off from thinking about bills, work responsibilities, and other demands placed upon you. Spend time outdoors, engage in creative pursuits, volunteer, travel, read books, listen to audiobooks, attend concerts, visit museums, watch films, or simply reflect on your current state of affairs. Doing so recharges your battery and renews optimism.
11) Focus on what you love. – how to not be depressed
Focus on things that lift you up, motivate you, and energize you. Focusing on negativity only creates tunnel vision, discourages creativity, generates unnecessary worry, prevents you from moving forward, and keeps you stuck in your comfort zone. Identify areas in your life you can change, like relationships, career, finances, health, education, spirituality, or housing. Then replace negative thoughts with empowering reframes, e.g., “This too shall pass,” “What happens tomorrow is out of my control,” and “My past cannot dictate my present or my future.” Alternatively, visualize yourself experiencing a goal (realistic or otherwise). Repeatedly remind yourself of your strengths rather than dwelling on weaknesses. Also avoid ruminating on painful memories and catastrophizing scenarios. Simply accept what happened and embrace positivity.
12) Express gratitude.
Gratitude is defined as appreciation for blessings received. Gratitude fosters contentment, encourages hopefulness, enhances resiliency, and strengthens relationships. Write thank
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